


The Tony Stark Sextervention

by uglywombat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Friends Intervention, Friends to Lovers, Mild Language, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23402407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uglywombat/pseuds/uglywombat
Summary: Tony Stark is a planner, and this holiday is his best yet: glamping. There’s gourmet hot dogs, artisan s’mores, craft beer and fucking Pinterest teepees. What Tony did not plan on however was the sextervention between two friends. Or the Golding descent into madness.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/You
Comments: 27
Kudos: 106





	The Tony Stark Sextervention

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a challenge on Tumblr. It kinda exploded into a fluffy fluff ball!

_ Little flickers of flame danced in the night sky as the fire pit warmed the cool summer night air. Laughter filled the small clearing as you made your way back to the group only to find Tony (asshole) Stark had taken your chair next to Pepper. His flirting skills were pathetic and you could just make out the beautiful strawberry blonde roll her eyes at his (lame) joke. _

_ It was entirely Tony’s fault that your camping group was short an Adirondack chair for the camping trip he had insisted on three months ago after discovering “Man vs Wild”. Thankfully, this trip was nothing like an episode sleeping in a camel carcass or drinking snake pee. The budding entrepreneur, in true Stark style, had bought eco-friendly teepees for you all, a state of the art generator for his massive “drive-in movie experience”, a chef-worthy bbq and of course, the chairs.  _

_ Except, Tony had forgotten to count the number of people he had actually invited. Being a gentleman and it being the first night of your trip, he had offered to sit on the dirt-covered ground, even though he had his favourite True Religion jeans on, making such a fuss about the sacrifice he was making. Of course, you hadn’t disappeared to the toilet two minutes before he was taking your seat and making his big move on Pepper. _

_ Because that was the aim of this camping trip: Tony Stark was finally going to win over the woman of his dreams. You had all been warned not to embarrass him or cockblock him. You wouldn’t of course, because Tony was going to ruin this all by himself. _

_ A warm hand on yours drew your attention from your stolen chair and Butch Cassidy, to the ardent dove eyes of your best friend Bucky before he pulled you down onto his lap. His eyes sparkled in the warm light of the fire, his lips smirking as he held your waist firmly in your struggle to get off. _

_ “Nope, stay woman. I’m not letting you sit on the filthy ground when there’s a perfectly good seat right here.” _

_ You rolled your eyes and fluffed his hair. “Perfectly good seat my ass. Your thighs are like cinder blocks. You don’t have an ounce of fat on you and I gotta tell you, it ain’t that comfy.” _

_ Dark eyebrows raised and wiggled playfully. “Oh please, don’t act like you haven’t been checking out my legs. I saw you the other morning in yoga, checking me out like the steakhouse menu.” _

_ “A steakhouse menu? Maybe the menu at that overpriced vegan cafe you dragged me to last week. By the way, I will never forgive you for making me buy that $30 kale salad. I have never been so unsatisfied in my life.” _

_ Bucky scoffed. “I have never left you unsatisfied.” _

_ Despite your best friend’s status, your chemistry with Bucky had always teetered on the edge of something else. You were insanely attracted to him, it was hard not to be when the man was a walking Adonis. This flirtatious banter was nothing out of the ordinary, especially skin to skin and plied with alcohol. _

_ “Is it possible to be satisfied with food poisoning? Or what about the time you locked us out of my apartment in nothing but our pajamas in the dead of winter? Then there was Paris. Helping Steve with his Valentine’s surprise for Darcy - that was a disaster. And then there was that one day when...” _

_ Bucky clapped his hand over your mouth and in a defiant protest you licked his salty skin. “Gross, woman. What are you, an animal?”  _

_ You chuckled as he wiped the offended hand on your leg and drained the last of his beer. “You know, I’m more than capable of sitting on the ground. Or Sam wouldn’t mind me sitting in his lap.”  _

_ Bucky growled and you knew the tease was skating on the thin ice of a deep lake that was the wild and precarious friendship that was James Buchanan Barnes and Samuel Wilson.  _

_ Your friendship group was a mix and match of old friendship groups brought together when your best friend Darcy hooked up with Bucky’s best friend Steve at a bar. You and the hot brunette writer had quickly formed a friendship over tacos, beer and 70s music.  _

_ Tony (still an asshole) was your friend from college where you had both studied engineering together. Well, you had studied hard and Tony had been a party boy and a womanizer who stole your notes. Darcy was your carefree and hilarious side-kick from work who you could always rely on for an afternoon pick me up of scones and Irish coffee. _

_ Sam was Steve’s best friend from the gym. The competition between the gorgeous Adonis and Steve’s childhood friend (your best friend) has been playful in the beginning. However, things had become less friendly after a bet gone wrong involving the beautiful Brunhilde who owned the gym they frequented. You did not know the full and true story, both sides had wildly different variations of the turn of events, all you knew was Brunhilde did in fact not like men and each man blamed the other for mistaking the situation. You also knew some gym equipment had to be replaced, including the sauna… _

_ You liked Sam (not that you would tell Bucky that) but your loyalty obviously had to lie with your best friend. He could just never find out that you had secretly been going to baking classes with Sam on Thursdays (just as friends). _

_ “I’m kidding, Buck,” you groaned drastically, throwing your arms around his neck. “Besides, Sam’s thighs are way more muscular than yours and therefore less comfortable.” _

_ Bucky scoffed and launched into a tirade about how he had been bench-pressing heavier weights than Sam, or something like that, you weren’t sure. Yoga was definitely more your “thing” than lifting heavy weights and aggressively turning everything into a competition. _

_ “Damn right he’s less comfortable,” Bucky said, his chest puffing like a bloody peacock, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist and drawing you closer to him. “He’s also nowhere near as…” _

_ “Handsome, smart, well-dressed or sophisticated. Trust me, I know. You’ve told me.” _

_ You lay your head on his shoulder and felt a warm wash of peace, the rush and stress of the week finally seeping away as he leant his chin on the top of your head. As Clint walked by, he handed you both a fresh beer. Bucky’s chest vibrated warmly as he told you about the complicated character development he was working on for his latest book, completely oblivious to the eyes occasionally checking you both out.  _

_ Darcy was convinced that Bucky was secretly in love with you. Tony was already planning your wedding and baby showers for Tony and Antonia, your future children. Steve and Sam would trade furtive glances at each other when they thought you could not see.  _

_ You, however, did not think Bucky was in love with you. He knew your deepest, darkest secrets you hadn’t told another soul. He knew the raw, loathful thoughts that haunted you as you stared in the mirror each day, when you pulled your clothes over your curves. How could he possibly love you when you couldn’t love yourself?  _

_ Bucky’s fingers stroking the skin of your thigh did not make your stomach curdle as it did when other men put their hands on you. The scent of his woodsy cologne was pleasant and calming, his skin soft and warm.  _

_ “ _ **_I know we're just friends but you're sitting on my lap and I'm so sorry if I get hard."_ **

_ You choked on the beer in your mouth, coughing and spluttering. “Excuse me?” _

_ Bucky chortled obnoxiously. “Oh come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.” _

_ Of course you had, you were head over heels in love with the Adonis. No one made you laugh until your sides ached like Bucky. None of your other friends would trail through China Town at ten o’clock at night trying to find the best dumplings on a whim. Nobody, except maybe Darcy, would wine, face mask and watch Real Housewives on the occasional Saturday when you really didn’t want to be dragging through bars.  _

_ Yes, there had been many a movie night or dinner party where you had lost focus, imagining yourself in his lap, just like you were now, his thumbs caressing your skin idly… _

_ “Oh you wish, wolfman,” you snorted, desperately trying to hide the excited thumping in your chest, pulling away from the muscular man only to be cemented against him. “Get off.” _

_ “No. Mine.” _

_ You dramatically rolled your eyes so he could see, in some vain attempt to hide the warm flush over your skin and the needy glint in your eyes. God, you wanted to be his.  _

_ “S’mores?” _

_ You look up to see Steve (I-have-a-knowing-glint-in-my-eyes) Rogers standing over you, a punchable smirk on his face as he launched the artisanal tray of gourmet s’mores at you both. Bucky takes three for himself and you take one, shooting Steve a glare as he winks at you. Smug bastard.  _

_ For all his extra-ness, Tony’s organic and fancy-shit spread had been amazing. Gourmet sausages and burgers, brioche buns, imported fruit, artisanal sauces…  _

_ The s’mores were next level. Sweet and salty crackers filled with nuts, smooth dark chocolate and the fluffiest marshmallows you had ever had. The moans coming from Bucky’s perfectly cherry pout were pornographic. The salacious way he ran his tongue over his fingers, licking away the sweet, sticky goo mess. Your heart stopped mid-beat as his eyes locked on yours. You couldn’t breathe as he leaned forward, his eyes flickering down to your lips.  _

_ Was Bucky going to kiss you?  _

_ Your eyes fluttered shut as his face drew millimeters close, his sweet breath brushing against your skin. You slowly closed the gap… and then his thumb ran over the corner of your mouth. Watching on in horror, he licked it clean, steel eyes locked on yours.  _

_ “Always making a mess of yourself, doll.” _

_ Your brain fizzled and malfunctioned as your eyes locked in the fraction of light emanating from the fire… _

_ You could cut the sexual tension with a blunt butter knife. As you sat on his lap, each brushing the pressing issue under the proverbial rug which was already full to the brim with years of skirting around this major issue of your true feelings, your friends watched on in exhaustion.  _

_ It was then that Tony made an important, no, life-changing decision.  _

_ Later that evening, the small group of friends (minus two key players) held a discrete but crucial meeting by the waterfall. Tony chose the waterfall as their top-secret location because “pretty surroundings can help in the creation of life-saving decisions.” _

_ “We need a sextervention,” Tony announced, the group immediately shushing him as his announcement echoed around them. “Sorry. We need a sextervention,” he whispered cunningly. “I, for one, am sick of seeing those two idiots going googly eyes over each other, almost kissing, always touching and not getting the sexfest on.” _

_ “Can we please not call it a sextervention or sexfest?” Sam begged. “The thought of Bucky having sex with that poor girl…” _

_ “I’m voting you off of the island,” Tony snarled at the taller, stronger man who rolled his eyes in return. _

_ “Sam is right,” Steve reasoned, placing himself as a protective barrier between Sam and Tony who was holding a freshly constructed hot dog in his hand, covered with mustard. “This isn’t about them sexing their feelings away. This is about true love. Bringing two soulmates together. Forever love. The kind of love that knows no bounds. Love like…” _

_ “Okay, Romeo,” Darcy intervened before Steve became lost on yet another tangent that could last anywhere up to an hour. “We need to handle this delicately. They both have issues…” _

_ “I’m voting you off of the island too,” Tony announced, wrapping his mustard covered hand over Darcy’s mouth. “I have come to the decision that we will lock them in a teepee with one sleeping bag and not let them out until they are happily ever after.” _

_ The small group tried to argue and reason with him, but Tony was the most stubborn son of a bitch there was. He always just wanted an excuse to share a teepee with Pepper, who just so happened to be your teepee buddy on this trip. But mostly (and besides the whole Pepper issue), you were his best friend (not Bucky, you were Tony’s first) and you needed to finally come clean with the brunette man of your dreams.  _

_ So ignoring everyone’s lame excuses for why this could possibly be a terrible idea he threatened to cancel the gourmet breakfast he had planned for everyone. Conceded, the plan was set in motion.  _

_ Back at the fireplace, you and Bucky waited patiently for everyone to return from their “trip to the showers”, now sitting in separate chairs. They’d been gone nearly an hour now. None the wiser, already dressed in your pajamas, you sat close to Bucky in front of the fire.  _

_ “Do you think they’re having an orgy?” Bucky asked out of the blue and you snorted, spitting beer onto your shirt. “What? Who takes an hour to clean up in the woods? Maybe they’ve been taken by bears. Do you think we should call the coast guard?” _

_ You chuckled, looking over at your friend, trying to ignore the delicious scent of cedarwood and bergamot in his luscious hair and soft skin… “Oh, you know how precious Tony is about his hair. Besides, he’s probably trying to weasel Pepper into your teepee tonight. So you might get to witness the great sexscapades of Tony Stark.” _

_ Bucky cackled incredulously. “And what do you know about the great sexcapades of Tony Stark?” _

_ You smirked, wrapping your arms around your legs, “Let’s just say Tony doesn’t understand the concept of hygiene and how you should definitely not have sex with interns in the staff kitchen.” _

_ Bucky pulled a face as he drained the last of his beer. “I once walked in on Sam with a personal trainer in the steam room. His quads are amazing, and his stamina I’m a little jealous of, but he makes this grunting sound like a...” _

_ A commotion from the other side of the campsite drew your attention and you both leaped from your chairs, Bucky automatically standing in front of you.  _

_ You could only watch on as your friends, well the humans you called friends, ran towards you covered in war paint and brandishing sticks. It was like a scene from “Lord of the Flies” except you weren’t young adolescent boys, you were grown adults who were supposed to be friends on a glamping trip. _

_ “What the fuck?” you heard Bucky mutter under his breath as the rabid group stormed towards you. “Are we re-enacting Survivor?” You could only shrug your shoulders as the group surrounded you, chanting and huffing like some delirious tribe of cartoon savages. “We come in peace,” Bucky chuckled as he faced Tony, decked out in his boxers and covered in red lipstick.  _

_ “As leader of this tribe,” Tony announced in a booming voice, the group surrounding you groaning audibly, “I find you guilty of hiding your feelings from one another and torturing us with your ridiculous sexual tension. You must be punished by sharing a teepee tonight.” _

_ “Okay, Jack Merridew,” you said, moving around to stand beside Bucky and stared Tony straight in the eyes, “if this is some lame attempt to get your chance with Pepper then fine. I will bunk with someone else.” _

_ Tony fumbled, shrugging his shoulders. “Pfffftt, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You rolled your eyes, immediately shrinking into Bucky’s side as Tony poked at you with a makeshift lance in an attempt to regain his character. “We, the tribe of Stark,” the small clearing filled with the mounting disagreement from your captors, “ugh, fine. We the tribe of The Avengers, hereby sentence you to death… I mean, a night in your cell. Take them away.” _

_ In a flurry of movement, you found yourself hoisted over Sam’s thick shoulder, precariously dangling at a great height as he moved you towards the teepee you had been sharing with Pepper. You could only watch on as Bucky was surrounded by the tribe and at the pointy end of sticks was escorted to the teepee, hurling verbal abuse at Sam for putting his hand near your ass.  _

_ In the cramped but glamped teepee, you were both forcibly stripped down to your underwear, Darcy shooting you an apologetic smile as she snatched Pepper’s sleeping bag before exiting.  _

_ Dumbfounded, you turned to face Bucky, trying your darndest to keep your eyes above waist height. Above the thick, acutely defined planes of his six-pack and the beautiful glow of his honeyed skin in the soft lighting of the fairy lights in the teepee... _

_ “What the hell was that about?”  _

_ You shrugged, suddenly painfully aware that your body was entirely exposed to the man you were secretly in love with. All your flaws and insecurities completely on display for the perfect specimen of a human being in front of you… You bent down and quickly covered yourself with the soft Afghan blanket Tony had gifted you for this trip.  _

_ You watched Bucky bend down and fight with the zip on the teepee. “What are we supposed to do about the toilet assholes?” he called out as your eyes trailed over the curve of his bubble butt.  _

_ “Pee in a bottle,” Tony called out. “You guys aren’t getting out of there until one of you confesses you’re in love with the other and we hear you having sex… Ouch, okay we don’t have to hear you having sex we just need evidence…” There’s a scuffle and a chorus of cursing. _

_ Exasperated, Bucky swore under his breath, kicking at the “wall” of the teepee, the wobble in his underwear difficult to ignore. “Well, I’m afraid you’re stuck here with me all night, princess.”  _

_ You can’t ignore the small simmer of warmth in the pit of your stomach at the nickname. It’s like a soft caress on overheated, sensitive skin. “Damn, and here I was hoping everyone would go full-blown “Lord of the Flies” and lock me in a teepee with Sam but I guess you will do.” _

_ Although he clearly picked up the sarcasm in your tone - the one you hide behind when you so much as felt the slightest inkling of discomfort or someone veered towards your deepest secrets- you couldn’t help but see the hurt smile on his face. The saddened twinkle in his eyes… the one you knew so well.  _

_ Because Tony was the asshole who hired impenetrable teepees, you both conceded defeat and set about arguing over the only sleeping bag.  _

_ “I’m not letting you sleep on a hard chair, Buck. You look like Steve trying to fit into that leotard last Halloween,” you argued as you watched him makeshift the most uncomfortable looking bed in the small rocking chair. “Please, I’m smaller than you, let me sleep…” _

_ “Absolutely not.” He was more stubborn than a mule.  _

_ “Well ditto, Bucky.”  _

_ His stern, focused gaze crumbled as he chuckled. “Fine. Then what? Do we give in to their stupid demands and sleep in the only sleeping bag together?”  _

_ “Would it be so bad?” You couldn’t help the small, hurt bubble on the tip of your tongue, coating the words flowing from your mouth before you could stop them.  _

_ Was he that repulsed by you that he couldn’t stomach the thought of… _

_ “No, doll.” His smile was warm like the morning spring sun as he approached you, his hands encasing your bare arms. “Of course not. We can keep each other warm, yeah?” _

_ You carefully lay out the sleeping bag, spreading it out enough you could both fit. Still wrapped tightly in the blanket you watch Bucky lay down on the makeshift, his muscles flexing as he splayed out on the bed.  _

_ “Come on, doll, I won’t bite.” _

_ Your mind quickly disintegrates into a pile of ash as it plummets into the filthy daydreams plaguing your every move these days. His dewy skin literally glows in the soft light.  _

_ You couldn’t breathe as you slowly lay down beside Bucky, your arms brushing as you stare up into the peak of the teepee, desperately trying to ignore his sweet scent and the heat of his skin.  _

_ “Breathe.”  _

_ You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him as you exhale; it’s painful and shakes with the fear coating your lungs and heart. It echoed through the small teepee, neither of you sure what to say. Despite your fixed stare on the lights above you, you could feel his eyes occasionally flicker over to you.  _

_ “What are you so afraid of?”  _

_ Your chuckle burbled as you fought the sudden onslaught of emotions. Too close. Too exposed. Bucky was prodding... “Oh, you know, sharks, spiders. Donald Trump.” You aggressively wipe away the small trickle of tears from your cheeks in hope he didn’t notice. “Walking in on Tony having sex on the table we’re supposed to eat our lunch on.” _

_ You couldn’t hide the flinch of your limbs as Bucky shifts to his side, watching you intently.  _

_ “Tell me I’m wrong.” The only reply he got was silence. “... Lie to me then.” _

_ Squeezing your eyes shut, you grasped blindly out for the honest, authentic confession you had recited and practised in the privacy and darkness of your home. It wasn’t until your eyes found asylum in the ocean of steely grey that you could finally take hold of your feelings.  _

_ “I hate you.” He snorted. “I love you.” The words hung heavy on the air, the tension palpable as ashen eyes frantically tried to search your face. “I should have told you but I’m a coward. I should…” Your breath was shaky, the bubble of anxiety acrid and rising in the pit of your stomach. “I should have just been honest with you, I’m sorry. I thought that if I kept my feelings to myself…” You furiously blinked back the tears, staring back up at the top of the teepee. And then it finally slipped between your lips. “Because why would someone like you love someone like me?”  _

_ The motley display of emotions was crystal clear in your periphery, the confession hanging heavy in the air. You tighten the hold of the blanket around you, willing the earth to swallow you whole.  _

_ “You really are as thick as shit sometimes, woman,” you heard from outside. Peering in the direction of the voice you can see the outline of five bodies. “He loves you. You love him. Make babies.” _

_ Bucky growled as you burrowed deep under the thick Afghan blanket. “Stark, if you don’t get lost in 2.5 seconds I’m going to beat the living shit out of you.”  _

_ Under the blanket, you could just hear Tony arguing with Steve as he was dragged away.  _

_ “Doll?” Warm hands gently pulled the blanket from your face, revealing the warm pools of dove grey eyes. “Someone like me loves someone like you because you are the only human being in this world who gets me. You are the only person who has ever truly accepted me for who I am, warts and all. You are beautiful and kind and so fucking smart.” _

_ Locked in his gaze you couldn’t breathe, your heart beating so hard you thought your chest cavity would cave.  _

_ He gently brushed his thumb over the tears on your cheeks. “I love you even though you can’t love yourself. I know you don’t see it, but you are amazing. You’re the best friend I’ve had, even more than Steve, but don’t tell him that…” _

_ “Hey!” _

_ “Sshhhhh.” _

_ Bucky sighed before persevering with his soft, heartfelt admission, despite your audience. “I don’t know why we never felt we could be honest with each other about our feelings. I don’t know why you cannot feel you deserve me, because I would give the world to make you happy. But, we cannot fight this anymore.” He took a deep breath as his long fingers trailed over your cheek. He whispered, “Our friends are right. It’s time to face the facts: I love you and you love me and we should just stop tiptoeing.” _

_ “I told you so.”  _

_ “Sssshhhhh.” _

_ You both chuckled as you heard the scuffling outside.  _

_ “I love you.” _

_ “I love you, Bucky.” _

_ “Fucking finally.”  _

_ “Ssssshhhh.  _

_ “Oh shush yourselves. I’m going to bed.” _

_ Bucky’s lips were on yours as the tribe outside finally retired for the evening, content in their efforts and ready to wash off the tribe makeup.  _

_ The kiss was everything and more than you had dreamed. Soft, pillowy lips caressed yours with ease and determination. Light fingers trailed over your heated skin, drawing a faint path as they explored and savoured the curves you despised, the lines and the marks. The self-hatred and loathing that burnt bright and hot slowly simmered under his touch.  _

_ A breathy gasp fell from your lips as he shifted, towering over you and kissing you heatedly.  _

_ The lines in his body were tough and hard, though his body was lean and fit. His skin was enviously soft to your touch and his breathy moans like a sweet song to your ears.  _

_ “I’m not going to fuck you in this teepee,” he groaned, resting his forehead against yours. “Our first time together is going to be special and on a comfortable bed, with fucking fourteen thousand thread count sheets and a hundred throw cushions. And we are going to take a bubble bath in expensive bath oil that costs more than everything in my fridge.” You giggled lightly. “Let’s give them a show and then I’m going to break us out.” _

_ And so, for the next two hours, thirty-eight minutes and seventeen seconds, the Avengers tribe listened to a cacophonous symphony of sex.  _

_ “Fuck, Bucky, yes, right there.” _

_ “You’re such a bad girl. Bite me again.” _

_ “You’re so big, Bucky. Such a big boy. Sam is such a jealous liar.” _

_ “That’s it, princess. Swallow me deep.” _

_ You banged a saucepan against the rocking chair, Bucky slapped his thigh. You squealed, Bucky squawked until finally, Tony begged you to stop.  _

_ The next morning, as the sun climbed up high into the sky, Tony stretched with glee. Raising the trumpet to his lips he blew. The sound of the Reveille drew a chorus of groans and curses from the surrounding teepees.  _

_ Except for one.  _

_ On opening your teepee, which had been cut open with what appeared to be a pair of nail clippers, Tony found a handwritten note on the neatly made makeshift bed, your stuff gone.  _

  
  
  


**_Dear Assholes,_ **

**_Your little stunt worked. We fucked like rabbits. We hope you enjoyed the show._ **

**_We’ve gone to enjoy our happily ever after in the comfort of an air-conditioned hotel for the remainder of this trip. In a real bed. In the safety of a lockable room where you savages can’t get to us._ **

**_Thanks for the credit card, Tony._ **

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments are air. I love to hear your thoughts! You can also find me on Tumblr as @imanuglywombat - I don't bite and I love a chat!


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